Smiled to myself, recalling the 50 cent drafts in college, and later the $5 lattes in sales, culminating in the $9 green juices I crave regularly as a yogi and Dad. Sobriety ain’t cheap, at least not as cheap as choosing the well-trodden, predictable path.
I was handed a can of Budweiser in the creek behind my parents house at 14. It served the insecure, aspiring rocker in me well for 22 years. Until the relentlessly scrutinizing light of meditation made me reevaluate my relationship with drinking. All of my teachers warned me that would happen, which is why I’m so adamant about hipping people to the cornerstone habit of meditating.
Cuz it can get hard to know which habits are sustaining you, or consuming you. I wrote a song about second guessing my drinking career at 22: “my dad said son / never turn your back on the monster / unless it’s to run / you wait too long then it’s got ya”.
Drinking was the habitual tiny forfeit of my attention, or of feeling. It hardened into some bullshit permagrin mask, that interestingly never came close to my authentic smile. I have zero judgement on booze either way, (for anyone, really) but myself. I will shop duty free, pour you another, or help you build your wildest beerymid. But there’s no going back.
I knew if I didn’t quit by my own volition in my 30s I’d require mad rehab in my 40s. That was 3 years ago this week, and I don’t miss the buzz. Or the drama, or the worry around my inherent stupid choices. I am a Dude after all. Lol. I don’t miss it like I crave any authentic smile, meaningful work, vitality at the cellular level, the hum of prana in the spine. God, guru, and Gayle encouraging me forward…to improve in my daily, moment-to-moment choices and actions versus posing for prettier pictures or talking a big game. I hold Susan Piver’s definition of sobriety close to my heart: “Paired down. Sharp-eyed. Awake.”
And on mornings like these it’s not enough to get my nearly 40-year old bag of bones down to the coffee maker to wake up.
38 energization exercises, 60 min of meditation. Fervent prayer. Reciting of my lens statement. Breakfast and lunches for the kids. Being a Dad and husband. Running 4 miles through sacred woods.
Pranam at the altar of guru, family, and nature.
Absorbing the immaculate light of the other crazies on the path this morning. Nodding hello.
Grateful to be out among others
who are hell-bent
on
being
awake.
Independence Day came early in 2012.
Huge thanks to my friends, family, and especially our children who teach me how to party harder than I ever did in my youth. THERE’S SO MUCH MORE FUN TO BE HAD. (what?) THERE’S SO MUCH MORE FUN TO BE HAD…
#sobriety
#aintjustalamealternativetodrinking
#gratitude
3 Responses
Again, you have such a grasp on the English language and nonce words…you make me think, you make me feel, you make me smile.
You are such a deep person and you project so well what you experience to the point I can actually visualize your emotions.
Thank for sharing life as it is seen by YOU.